Mental Health Hotline

I heard a song that included an intro for a mental health hotline. I liked it so much I used it a few times when leaving voice messages for friends and even added a few of my own. Here it is for your reading pleasure:

Welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have OCD please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent please have someone press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality disorder please press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are delusional please press 7 and you will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are paranoid you don’t need to push any buttons. We already know who you are and what you want. Someone is already on the way to get you.

If you are schizophrenic listen to the voices in your head and press what ever number they tell you to.

If you have dyslexia please press 69696969.

For short term memory loss press 0 after the beep. Remember, that is 0 but after the beep. Wait for the beep and push 0 for short term memory loss.

If you have problems with procrastination please press 8………………..we’re waiting…………..we’re still waiting for you to press 8.

Anyway, I thought it was really funny and I wanted to share.

Cat “Jumping from number to number for A-D-D” Cathy