Thursday, June 14, 2012

Fifty Shades of Stupdity

I just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey and I feel like a book review is in order. In short this book sucked….and I don’t mean that in the biblical sense. It seems the author (or publisher) had a good marketing scheme but not very good writing skills. I noticed several grammatical errors. While I’m sure I have errors in my blog as well, I expect slightly higher standards from a book that’s netted millions of dollars. It always amazes me when stupid things go viral. I guess this happens in our internet age but it seems sad that the best marketer wins out and not the best product. I refuse to believe this is the best erotic love story book on the market.

And why does the story suck you might ask? Well first the story just seemed too fake. I guess we read fiction to find escape but this was really out there. Little virgin Ana goes from having no man she’s ever been interested in and hardly kissed to a sex goddess who can have sex practically hundreds of times a day with no pain and no problems climaxing. Of course he was perfectly timed to finish with her or just after her. I swear if I read ‘finding his release’ or ‘empties himself’ one more time I was going to puke.

And while I’m at it, exactly where is ‘my sex’? I lost count of the number of times ‘my sex’ was mentioned in the book. Now I’ve heard of ‘sex’ used as a verb and to describe a male or female but never as a part of a woman’s anatomy. I tried to Google since I think this was an old expression but I learned quickly that putting ‘my sex’ in a search will result in many unwanted sites.

Friends who have read the book say they enjoyed the unconditional love and what a woman is willing to do for the man she loves. Unconditional hardly seems appropriate to me. Sure he’s a sadist and Ana is trying to meet his needs in that way but his money and gorgeous looks (which the author mentions every other sentence) make it hardly unconditional. It’s not like she fell in love with a fat, smelly, ugly street bum who also wanted to tie her up and smack her. Now that I would consider unconditional.

As a side note, I noticed a strange resemblance to the Twilight series. So I Googled yet again. I had much better results with this Google search and I found out the author was a fan and there is a resemblance. Personally, I’ve decided I prefer vampires over S & M men.

All this reminded me of a hash song (to the tune of The Candy Man):

Who can take his bicycle,
Take away the seat,
Put his girlfriend on it,
Ride her down a bumby street?
The S&M Man.
The S&M Man.
The S&M Man because he mixes it with love
And makes the hurt feel good.
Yes the hurt feel good!

Cat “Guilty Displeasure” Cathy

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Balloon Girl Returns

"Faster than a wobbly grocery cart, more powerful than a feisty chiwawa, able to leap low track hurdle in a single bound."

"Look, up at the Plaza!"
"It's a bird."
"It's a plane".
"It's Balloon Girl!"

"Yes, it's Balloon Girl! Strange visitor from a dumpy apartment who came to the show with powers and abilities far beyond those of non inflated people. Balloon Girl, who can change the course of blimps, twist balloons with her bare hands, and who, disguised as Catastrophe Cathy, mild-mannered engineer and blogger, fights a never-ending battle for fun, silliness, and cool costumes."

Last Friday was the release of comic book #1 for Beebs and Her Money Makers featuring …Balloon Girl Girl Girl Girl (gotta love that echo). All the big names in super hero show business were there walking the red carpet. First Super Skunk Man arrived and stunk up the place. His superpowers include the expected nasty fumes, great artwork and a fatal attraction to cats. Then big hair man arrived. Boy I’d hate to be his stylist. Of course Balloon Girl showed up wearing her superhero garb fresh from Stark Enterprises. This year she wore blue and periwinkle since pink and purple are so last season. Typically Balloon Girl would fly down the red carpet using the helium in her cape but due to the helium shortage she just casually strolled in. Thankfully Balloon Girl’s arch nemesis Pin Man (who looks surprisingly like Pinhead in Hellraiser) didn’t show up. Although another nemesis Smoking Man was around and dangerously close at times…

Balloon girl had a fun night and enjoyed a great show. The music rocked and the Bee Gees’ cover was amazing. So keep your eye out for the big ‘B’ in the sky. Either there’s trouble brewing and Balloon Girl is needed or Beebs and her Money Makers are playing! Cat “Over Inflated Ego” Cathy