Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Changes Aren’t Permanent, But Change Is

Sometimes it seems like nothing changes but then I look at where I was just a year earlier and I’m amazed at all that has happened. This year I did a relay for life skate event and I was thinking about the event the previous year. A new car, a new job, a lost boyfriend and 3 vacations later…Wow a lot HAD happened and changed.

I really enjoy reflecting on where I am in my life now compared to previous years. It’s a good way to see how I’ve grown and reminds me of my life experiences. Next time an annual event occurs take some time to see where you are compared to a year or several years earlier. It can be quite entertaining and enlightening.

Cat “Change Changing Places” Cathy

Thursday, June 3, 2010

All By Myself

At 42 years old I find myself single yet again. It’s a very painful and confusing time. I’ve learned from previous breakups how to deal with the emotions and moving on. Here is my 12 step program for recovery:

1.Take a few days to cry, wallow in self pity and mourn the loss of the future you will no longer have.

2. Plan on having no contact with your ex for a set amount of time while you heal. It is not a good idea to try and keep in touch and help each other. This is really sad by true.

3. During the wallow stage write down all your good experiences in the relationship since you will want to look back on them fondly someday.

4. Also write down all the bad things to make the breakup easier and to keep you from thinking about going back….ever!

5. Next think about and write down what went wrong and how you can improve your next relationship and what you want from your next relationship.

6. Reach out to friends to ease some of the loneliness. Most true friends are happy to take you out and listen for a bit.

7. After your initial wallowing period, keep your social calendar full with friends and family so you have less time to sit around and mope. It is pretty easy to keep busy if you are on meetup.com or facebook.

8. Try new activities and adventures. This is a time to rediscover and reinvent ‘you’.

9. If you can, take some time away from dating to further analyze the previous relationship and heal. If you really don’t want to wait then at least be honest with your dates that you are still healing.

10. When ready put yourself back out there on the dating scene. Try online sites, have friends set you up and make it a point to meet new people when you go out.

11. At some point talk to your ex and clear the air. No matter what went wrong it was someone you loved and you should wish them well. You will feel a lot better without anger and resentment in your heart.

12. Be patient and picky and think of long term compatibility and not just chemistry. When it arrives, enjoy your new relationship and may it be a lifelong success!

So that’s my plan to recovery. I’m currently in steps 6, 7, 8 and 9. It’s not easy since I often think of my ex and want to talk with him. But I really believe no contact is the only way to move on. It’s a very lonely time for me and hard to stay positive. If you have someone going through a breakup be there and be supportive since it is not easy. I wish the best of luck to everyone hurting from a failed relationship and to everyone looking for love.

Cat “Table for One” Cathy