Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Sign on the Dotted Line

I just renewed my lease at my lovely upscale high rise downtown apartment. Who am I kidding…the place is a dump, but I still like the location and price so I renewed anyway. I had a whole bunch of new legal forms to sign that I found humorous and thought I’d share:

Radon warning – This is naturally occurring. Just open the windows to help.

Bed bugs – So that old expression was true…they do bite?

Lead paint – Thanks to this one I’ve stopped licking the walls. I sure do miss that.

Asbestos – More fun gone since I no longer pulverize my building and inhale.

Satellite dish – ‘All satellite dishes must be inside your apartment’. I wonder how that will affect reception.

Hot water – The form actually said ‘always test hot water and don’t take it for granted. It could burn you.’ You mean hot water may be hot? In defense of this one we do have some ridiculously hot water from a boiler. I think I could use it at tea time straight from the tap.

The one thing I didn’t see was a warning about gas from our gas stoves. I often come home and smell gas and wonder if it’s safe and how many brain cells I’m killing. Maybe I should recommend they add a gas disclaimer for next year’s signing.

The lawyers must have been bored and decided we needed all these new forms. I can’t wait to see what new and exiting (and funny) forms I get to fill out next year!

Cat “X” Cathy

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