Tuesday, October 19, 2010
On The Line Dating
As I blogged about before I am single and using online dating services. I like it as a way to meet people you may not meet otherwise and have more options on who to date. While I work, blog, sleep and play my dating profiles are out there working for me. I met my last three boyfriends online so it has pretty much become standard practice for me now. As an ‘expert’ I thought I’d share some of my advice to other women looking for love:
-Ignore the large cut and paste emails that say generic things and include summaries of what is already in their profile. Instead concentrate on the emails that seem more genuine and personalized. I believe a guy who is really looking is going to do a search and narrow down the choice to a few good women and then send out a few emails. Mass emailing to see who replies is lame and impersonalized IMHO.
-I usually do not do searches for guys. I wait for them to contact me. At times I’ve gotten disappointed and did my own search and emailed or winked. My response rate is about 1%. You would think I was contacting Brad Pitt types based on my bad return…but I wasn’t. If I see someone I really think I’d like the most I will do now is wink or a quick note just in case. But responses are rare and try not to take it personally. I tell myself I’m just not what they are looking for and I want a guy who digs me and wants me.
-I don’t like to waste a lot of time emailing and then texting and then talking on the phone and then finally meet. You really don’t know what you are getting into until you meet so I just prefer a few quick emails, then one phone call and then a date. The profile is just a way to see if they meet your basic requirements and you won’t know if you are attracted or intrigued until you meet. It’s sad to get your hopes up and then meet and realize they are nothing like what you imagined in your head or what their profile led you to believe.
-When you make the first call try to schedule a first date if you still want to meet after you have talked for a bit. I’ve had hour long conversations and they seemed to go well. At the end of the call we’d decided to talk again since a date wasn’t able to be scheduled. Not many of these potential matches ever called back. So schedule the date during the first call and make it within a few days of the call if at all possible.
-First dates should be very simple due to not having a clue what you are getting in to. I recommend a lunch. That way you meet in a public place and there is no pressure to spend more than an hour together. If it goes well and he seems safe then you can plan more elaborate future dates.
-If he suggests more of a meet and greet with a coffee or drink I’d probably skip. To me that means he is not very interested. If he really thinks you are what he is looking for he will be open to at least a lunch meeting.
-If you meet and you are not sure and he calls for a second date I say go for it. Sometimes people are nervous or just not having a good day. As long as you were undecided a second date is a good idea. If you know there is absolutely no way you would be interested than skip the second date but otherwise take a chance.
-I say let him plan the first few dates. This is a time where he should be wooing you. You just need to show up, have fun, be yourself and be nice.
This is my best advice and I hope it helps some of the women out there. Of course I am still single so maybe I’m not the best person to be giving advice. Guys feel free to let me know if you have any input or your own guidelines.
Cat “Wink Wink Nudge Nudge” Cathy