Single White Female

As a newly single person, I’m back to the online dating sites yet again. It’s entertaining in many ways. It’s like the exact opposite of meeting someone in person at a bar or other social event. In person you know if you are attracted and then you just have to figure out if they are interested and if they meet your basic requirements such as age, education, smoking and kids. Online you know if they meet your basic requirements (assuming they are honest) and you just have to figure out if you would be at all attracted to them.

Here are a few picture observations/opinions for the guys out there:

-Pictures with a big fish. Unless you just love to fish and plan on spending a lot of time doing this I would just leave this picture off. Most women aren’t into fishing and are not impressed by the big fish. If you want to prove you can provide for them then just show a picture with your paycheck!

-Pictures with hot hooters/wing house/insert sexy girl here. Especially when the guy is in the range I’m looking for (over 37) it looks like you are posing with your daughter or just very immature. You aren’t fooling anyone that you could ‘get’ a girl who looks like that and if that’s what you want than I’m not interested anyway.

-Pictures that are self taken using a mirror. If you are serious about finding someone you should put just a little more effort into it. Maybe put on a shirt and have a friend take the picture. Or use this crazy thing called a timer.

-Pictures that are cut in half but still show a portion of the other person (usually the ex). Are you telling me that was the only good picture you had of yourself or that every single picture you took had the ex in them? Seriously, find a full picture of just you or take some new ones.

Ok I’m not trying to be mean to the guys. I’ve been on several dates and most of the guys I’ve met have been pretty nice. I only have a girl’s perspective so feel free to reply with a guy’s point of view and realize this was all meant to be light hearted.

Cat “Somewhere Out There” Cathy

Off Road Biking

I’m bike shopping but I can’t decide between a cross country and an all mountain bike. I came across this funny and also helpful description of the different types of ‘off road’ bikes and types of riding:

Downhill: A race to see who can coast the fastest on a motorcycle that's had the engine removed and then riding a ski lift back up.

Free ride: Downhill without a time clock.

Urban Assault: Trying to justify spending all that money on a mountain bike for riding on the pavement.

Dirt Jumping: Falling off cliffs while holding onto a bicycle.

Cross Country: Riding skinny little fragile bikes expecting to be able to do everything downhillers/free riders do on bikes built with the strength of a road bike.

All Mountain: Overweight XC guys who ride bikes with too much travel and too much weight to really be useful.

I should be insulted since I do a lot of urban assaults but it’s a funny and somewhat true description since I have a way too expensive ‘off road’ bike that spends most of it’s time on asphalt. But I live in Orlando so our overpasses are our hills and we enjoy them the best we can!

Cat ‘for this much money they should have a motor’ Cathy

Changes Aren’t Permanent, But Change Is

Sometimes it seems like nothing changes but then I look at where I was just a year earlier and I’m amazed at all that has happened. This year I did a relay for life skate event and I was thinking about the event the previous year. A new car, a new job, a lost boyfriend and 3 vacations later…Wow a lot HAD happened and changed.

I really enjoy reflecting on where I am in my life now compared to previous years. It’s a good way to see how I’ve grown and reminds me of my life experiences. Next time an annual event occurs take some time to see where you are compared to a year or several years earlier. It can be quite entertaining and enlightening.

Cat “Change Changing Places” Cathy

All By Myself

At 42 years old I find myself single yet again. It’s a very painful and confusing time. I’ve learned from previous breakups how to deal with the emotions and moving on. Here is my 12 step program for recovery:

1.Take a few days to cry, wallow in self pity and mourn the loss of the future you will no longer have.

2. Plan on having no contact with your ex for a set amount of time while you heal. It is not a good idea to try and keep in touch and help each other. This is really sad by true.

3. During the wallow stage write down all your good experiences in the relationship since you will want to look back on them fondly someday.

4. Also write down all the bad things to make the breakup easier and to keep you from thinking about going back….ever!

5. Next think about and write down what went wrong and how you can improve your next relationship and what you want from your next relationship.

6. Reach out to friends to ease some of the loneliness. Most true friends are happy to take you out and listen for a bit.

7. After your initial wallowing period, keep your social calendar full with friends and family so you have less time to sit around and mope. It is pretty easy to keep busy if you are on meetup.com or facebook.

8. Try new activities and adventures. This is a time to rediscover and reinvent ‘you’.

9. If you can, take some time away from dating to further analyze the previous relationship and heal. If you really don’t want to wait then at least be honest with your dates that you are still healing.

10. When ready put yourself back out there on the dating scene. Try online sites, have friends set you up and make it a point to meet new people when you go out.

11. At some point talk to your ex and clear the air. No matter what went wrong it was someone you loved and you should wish them well. You will feel a lot better without anger and resentment in your heart.

12. Be patient and picky and think of long term compatibility and not just chemistry. When it arrives, enjoy your new relationship and may it be a lifelong success!

So that’s my plan to recovery. I’m currently in steps 6, 7, 8 and 9. It’s not easy since I often think of my ex and want to talk with him. But I really believe no contact is the only way to move on. It’s a very lonely time for me and hard to stay positive. If you have someone going through a breakup be there and be supportive since it is not easy. I wish the best of luck to everyone hurting from a failed relationship and to everyone looking for love.

Cat “Table for One” Cathy

The Three Date Rule

For many years I’ve heard of ‘the 3 date rule’ – if a girl doesn’t sleep with you by the third date you move on. Seriously? Do people really follow this? I can’t imagine a worse way to start a relationship. I personally think it should be a three month rule at a minimum. It takes a lot more than three dates to get to know someone and determine if you’re compatible. Plus it’s fun to enjoy the early innocent stage of a relationship. This is something you never get back so it shouldn’t be too rushed. Besides I truly believe your relationship has a better chance and a guy will respect you more if you do wait. If the guy is a player you are more likely to find this out and move on by not rushing in.

So while it may be ‘fun’ I don’t think it is conducive to a healthy lifestyle or a long term relationship. This is just my humble opinion and thought I’d put it out there.

Cat “Worth the Wait” Cathy

Kidding Around

One of the biggest decisions in life is choosing to have kids or not. I consider myself a late bloomer since I was raised very naïvely. I always though kids would come ‘someday’. Sometime around my 37th birthday I realized ‘someday’ better arrive soon or it will be too late. At that point I started being more selective of who I dated, read a lot of relationship books and really did some quick (yet way late) growing up.

Even with my 5 years of hard work and maturing, I’m still single with no kids. Now that I’m 42 I’m actually leaning towards “probably not” for the kids question on my match.com profile. Up until now it was always “undecided”. In some ways this seems sad to me since raising a child seems like one of life’s big rewards and accomplishments. Plus they are just so gosh darn cute! But I realize they are also a lot of work, commitment, money and sacrifice.

So while having a mini me to teach and play with sounds like fun so does doing my nightly sports and social activities and retiring early. I can always spoil my friends’ kids and get my fix that way.

Cat “Child at Heart” Cathy

Music Makes People Come Together

I was browsing the online newspaper and lo and behold I found something awesome. There was a story about the public library allowing three free song downloads a week from their website. My frugal nature clicked in and I promptly checked it out. It worked great and I now have my three ‘songs de (7) jour(s)’ on my computer. (I wasn’t sure how to say ‘week’ in French and I’m not sure everyone else would know either).

My first three songs show just how A-D-D my musical taste and life in general are:
Adam Ant – Strip
Dixie Chicks – Goodbye Earl
Air Supply – Two Less Lonely People in the World

I’m usually so busy that I don’t make the time to find songs I like or listen to music as much as I used to. But I’ve been playing my newly acquired songs while I work and it has been a nice reminder of how much fun music can bring to your life. It really helps brighten my day and is one of my simple pleasures.

So today while you stop to smell the roses why not also take some time to listen to them sing!

Cat “Out of all the bloggers in the world I’m so glad that you are mine” Cathy