Changes Aren’t Permanent, But Change Is

Sometimes it seems like nothing changes but then I look at where I was just a year earlier and I’m amazed at all that has happened. This year I did a relay for life skate event and I was thinking about the event the previous year. A new car, a new job, a lost boyfriend and 3 vacations later…Wow a lot HAD happened and changed.

I really enjoy reflecting on where I am in my life now compared to previous years. It’s a good way to see how I’ve grown and reminds me of my life experiences. Next time an annual event occurs take some time to see where you are compared to a year or several years earlier. It can be quite entertaining and enlightening.

Cat “Change Changing Places” Cathy

All By Myself

At 42 years old I find myself single yet again. It’s a very painful and confusing time. I’ve learned from previous breakups how to deal with the emotions and moving on. Here is my 12 step program for recovery:

1.Take a few days to cry, wallow in self pity and mourn the loss of the future you will no longer have.

2. Plan on having no contact with your ex for a set amount of time while you heal. It is not a good idea to try and keep in touch and help each other. This is really sad by true.

3. During the wallow stage write down all your good experiences in the relationship since you will want to look back on them fondly someday.

4. Also write down all the bad things to make the breakup easier and to keep you from thinking about going back….ever!

5. Next think about and write down what went wrong and how you can improve your next relationship and what you want from your next relationship.

6. Reach out to friends to ease some of the loneliness. Most true friends are happy to take you out and listen for a bit.

7. After your initial wallowing period, keep your social calendar full with friends and family so you have less time to sit around and mope. It is pretty easy to keep busy if you are on meetup.com or facebook.

8. Try new activities and adventures. This is a time to rediscover and reinvent ‘you’.

9. If you can, take some time away from dating to further analyze the previous relationship and heal. If you really don’t want to wait then at least be honest with your dates that you are still healing.

10. When ready put yourself back out there on the dating scene. Try online sites, have friends set you up and make it a point to meet new people when you go out.

11. At some point talk to your ex and clear the air. No matter what went wrong it was someone you loved and you should wish them well. You will feel a lot better without anger and resentment in your heart.

12. Be patient and picky and think of long term compatibility and not just chemistry. When it arrives, enjoy your new relationship and may it be a lifelong success!

So that’s my plan to recovery. I’m currently in steps 6, 7, 8 and 9. It’s not easy since I often think of my ex and want to talk with him. But I really believe no contact is the only way to move on. It’s a very lonely time for me and hard to stay positive. If you have someone going through a breakup be there and be supportive since it is not easy. I wish the best of luck to everyone hurting from a failed relationship and to everyone looking for love.

Cat “Table for One” Cathy

The Three Date Rule

For many years I’ve heard of ‘the 3 date rule’ – if a girl doesn’t sleep with you by the third date you move on. Seriously? Do people really follow this? I can’t imagine a worse way to start a relationship. I personally think it should be a three month rule at a minimum. It takes a lot more than three dates to get to know someone and determine if you’re compatible. Plus it’s fun to enjoy the early innocent stage of a relationship. This is something you never get back so it shouldn’t be too rushed. Besides I truly believe your relationship has a better chance and a guy will respect you more if you do wait. If the guy is a player you are more likely to find this out and move on by not rushing in.

So while it may be ‘fun’ I don’t think it is conducive to a healthy lifestyle or a long term relationship. This is just my humble opinion and thought I’d put it out there.

Cat “Worth the Wait” Cathy

Kidding Around

One of the biggest decisions in life is choosing to have kids or not. I consider myself a late bloomer since I was raised very naïvely. I always though kids would come ‘someday’. Sometime around my 37th birthday I realized ‘someday’ better arrive soon or it will be too late. At that point I started being more selective of who I dated, read a lot of relationship books and really did some quick (yet way late) growing up.

Even with my 5 years of hard work and maturing, I’m still single with no kids. Now that I’m 42 I’m actually leaning towards “probably not” for the kids question on my match.com profile. Up until now it was always “undecided”. In some ways this seems sad to me since raising a child seems like one of life’s big rewards and accomplishments. Plus they are just so gosh darn cute! But I realize they are also a lot of work, commitment, money and sacrifice.

So while having a mini me to teach and play with sounds like fun so does doing my nightly sports and social activities and retiring early. I can always spoil my friends’ kids and get my fix that way.

Cat “Child at Heart” Cathy

Music Makes People Come Together

I was browsing the online newspaper and lo and behold I found something awesome. There was a story about the public library allowing three free song downloads a week from their website. My frugal nature clicked in and I promptly checked it out. It worked great and I now have my three ‘songs de (7) jour(s)’ on my computer. (I wasn’t sure how to say ‘week’ in French and I’m not sure everyone else would know either).

My first three songs show just how A-D-D my musical taste and life in general are:
Adam Ant – Strip
Dixie Chicks – Goodbye Earl
Air Supply – Two Less Lonely People in the World

I’m usually so busy that I don’t make the time to find songs I like or listen to music as much as I used to. But I’ve been playing my newly acquired songs while I work and it has been a nice reminder of how much fun music can bring to your life. It really helps brighten my day and is one of my simple pleasures.

So today while you stop to smell the roses why not also take some time to listen to them sing!

Cat “Out of all the bloggers in the world I’m so glad that you are mine” Cathy

Puerto Rico Rainforest Hiking

We woke up on day two of our PR trip and realized we were the only ones at our hotel. When asking for directions to the hotel the previous night someone had told us the hotel was closed. It turns out our hotel was for sale and apparently not really open since the pool was closed, there was no maid service and we never saw the front desk girl again or anyone else for that matter. But it worked fine for us as a place to crash and not having anyone else around was kind of nice actually.

We started the day with a trip to El Yunque Rainforest. It was just a short trip from our hotel and a pretty winding road with some of the biggest plants and leaves I’ve ever seen. I felt like we were driving into a scene from Jurassic Park. It started raining soon after we arrived but that didn’t bother me much…it is a rainforest after all. We hiked to a cloud forest near the top of the mountain. From there we had a beautiful view of the beach when the clouds cleared out, which they were doing every few minutes just to sweep right back in. Next we hiked up a little farther and ended up near some really big cell or radio towers. This part wasn’t very picturesque and I was a little worried about getting too much radiation if we stayed long so we passed through rather quickly. The hike up wasn’t quite long enough for us so we hiked all the way down the mountain to a waterfall. When I planned the trip I was picturing a deserted pretty waterfall with warm water to frolic in. Instead it was cold, raining and crowded so that was kind of a disappointment.

After hiking we decided to head to the beach. I thought it was so cool being able to go from hiking a rainforest to the beach in just a few minutes. We walked along the beach and bought food from almost every vendor since I wanted to try as much local food as I could. The beach walk was right out of a vacation magazine with perfect weather, the sun setting and once we left the Jet Ski zone we had the whole beach to ourselves.

While returning from our long walk on the beach a jet skier fell off his ski. We could hear his jet pump out of the water revving. I didn’t think anything of it until he started blowing his whistle. I’ve had a whistle on my vest for jet skiing for over 20 years now and only blow it as a joke to the tune of happy birthday or other silly songs. This guy was blowing frantically. Not being from Puerto Rico I didn’t know if this was some kind of tradition or cultural thing but I didn’t want to take a chance. So we flagged down a security guard who then called the police. Not 5 minutes later the police show up on the beach with their lights flashing. Not that flashing lights is much of an indication since they always seem to leave them on but all of a sudden I was wondering if the jet skiers would appreciate our ‘help’. Not wanting to find out we decided to quickly leave the beach.

Cat “Rico Suave” Cathy

Marry Him ???

I recently started reading a book called Marry Him. I like to read a lot and keep my opinions open but OMG what a piece of trash this book was! The author states right away that she had a baby on her own since she wanted one and then was surprised that it wasn’t the best way to do it….Duh! And yet this chick feels she should be giving others advice. The other funny thing is the book is dedicated “to my husband whoever he may end up being” or something like that. So she is writing a book encouraging women to compromise and marry and yet she is still single???? Give me a break!

The book basically says poor men are being treated badly by us too picky women even though we have flaws too. They talk about height and baldness and other minor details which I admit some women are too picky about. But many women (and men) I know break up due to things like dishonesty, addiction and not emotionally available which I would hardly consider to be minor picky things.

The author quoted a woman as saying she is glad she ‘snagged’ her husband when she did. Now that they are both 40 he wouldn’t want her if he were still looking since there are available 35 year olds who he could have kids with. It basically says if you don’t get married by 40 no man will want you since he will want a younger woman. As a 40-something woman I was offended by this. And while there is some truth in this, there are still plenty of men who will date around their age and even older. And getting married just because you are afraid to be alone is not a good idea anyway.

To all people (men and women) looking for a life partner I wish you the best of luck! Keep on reading relationship books (just not this one) and keep growing and learning and enjoying each day!

Cat “wish I couldn’t read” Cathy