Fifty Shades of Stupdity

I just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey and I feel like a book review is in order. In short this book sucked….and I don’t mean that in the biblical sense. It seems the author (or publisher) had a good marketing scheme but not very good writing skills. I noticed several grammatical errors. While I’m sure I have errors in my blog as well, I expect slightly higher standards from a book that’s netted millions of dollars. It always amazes me when stupid things go viral. I guess this happens in our internet age but it seems sad that the best marketer wins out and not the best product. I refuse to believe this is the best erotic love story book on the market.

And why does the story suck you might ask? Well first the story just seemed too fake. I guess we read fiction to find escape but this was really out there. Little virgin Ana goes from having no man she’s ever been interested in and hardly kissed to a sex goddess who can have sex practically hundreds of times a day with no pain and no problems climaxing. Of course he was perfectly timed to finish with her or just after her. I swear if I read ‘finding his release’ or ‘empties himself’ one more time I was going to puke.

And while I’m at it, exactly where is ‘my sex’? I lost count of the number of times ‘my sex’ was mentioned in the book. Now I’ve heard of ‘sex’ used as a verb and to describe a male or female but never as a part of a woman’s anatomy. I tried to Google since I think this was an old expression but I learned quickly that putting ‘my sex’ in a search will result in many unwanted sites.

Friends who have read the book say they enjoyed the unconditional love and what a woman is willing to do for the man she loves. Unconditional hardly seems appropriate to me. Sure he’s a sadist and Ana is trying to meet his needs in that way but his money and gorgeous looks (which the author mentions every other sentence) make it hardly unconditional. It’s not like she fell in love with a fat, smelly, ugly street bum who also wanted to tie her up and smack her. Now that I would consider unconditional.

As a side note, I noticed a strange resemblance to the Twilight series. So I Googled yet again. I had much better results with this Google search and I found out the author was a fan and there is a resemblance. Personally, I’ve decided I prefer vampires over S & M men.

All this reminded me of a hash song (to the tune of The Candy Man):

Who can take his bicycle,

Take away the seat,

Put his girlfriend on it,

Ride her down a bumby street?

The S&M Man.

The S&M Man.

The S&M Man because he mixes it with love

And makes the hurt feel good.

Yes the hurt feel good!

Cat “Guilty Displeasure” Cathy

Balloon Girl Returns

"Faster than a wobbly grocery cart, more powerful than a feisty chiwawa, able to leap low track hurdle in a single bound."

"Look, up at the Plaza!"
"It's a bird."
"It's a plane".

"It's Balloon Girl!"

"Yes, it's Balloon Girl! Strange visitor from a dumpy apartment who came to the show with powers and abilities far beyond those of non inflated people. Balloon Girl, who can change the course of blimps, twist balloons with her bare hands, and who, disguised as Catastrophe Cathy, mild-mannered engineer and blogger, fights a never-ending battle for fun, silliness, and cool costumes."

Last Friday was the release of comic book #1 for Beebs and Her Money Makers featuring …Balloon Girl Girl Girl Girl (gotta love that echo). All the big names in super hero show business were there walking the red carpet. First Super Skunk Man arrived and stunk up the place. His superpowers include the expected nasty fumes, great artwork and a fatal attraction to cats. Then big hair man arrived. Boy I’d hate to be his stylist. Of course Balloon Girl showed up wearing her superhero garb fresh from Stark Enterprises. This year she wore blue and periwinkle since pink and purple are so last season. Typically Balloon Girl would fly down the red carpet using the helium in her cape but due to the helium shortage she just casually strolled in. Thankfully Balloon Girl’s arch nemesis Pin Man (who looks surprisingly like Pinhead in Hellraiser) didn’t show up. Although another nemesis Smoking Man was around and dangerously close at times…

Balloon girl had a fun night and enjoyed a great show. The music rocked and the Bee Gees’ cover was amazing. So keep your eye out for the big ‘B’ in the sky. Either there’s trouble brewing and Balloon Girl is needed or Beebs and her Money Makers are playing! Cat “Over Inflated Ego” Cathy

Lucky Ducklings

I saw a mother duck and her cute little ducklings the other day in downtown Orlando. It was a precious site and a reminder of the circle of life. These ducklings could have missed their chance in this world due to human intervention. In this case I’m not talking about tearing down habitat or shooting or anything like that. I’m talking about good natured but poorly informed people.

On not one or two but three occasions I’ve seen humans interrupting what appears to them as ducks fighting or hurting each other. They are assigning human characteristics to the ducks. They think they are helping which is sweet but it should be noted that ducks do not join gangs, rob stores and blatantly hurt each other. They are just doing what nature intended by challenging others in their mate selection.

So while it may be ok (depending on your value/belief system) to try and stop humans on a whaling ship from killing whales, please let ducks and other creatures take care of their own mating rituals. They know more than we do about mating it appears and how would you like it if some higher life form energized in from space and interrupted you trying to get your freak on.

Cat “Barry White” Cathy

Discount High

Hi my name is Catastrophe Cathy and I’m a Groupon-aholic. I swear I was just about to start my own addiction group for this. I’d get excited everyday when the new emails arrived from Groupon or Living Social or Amazon Local or Half Off or Restaurant.com or any of a plethora of other deal websites. I actually felt a high from the bargain purchase!

Thankfully, like many of my other short lived ADHD activities, this one appears to be coming to a slow down. I’m not going to stop completely but I’m definitely not buying daily like I was for a while. First off it seems there are only so many beauty, service and fitness things I need and I’ve already gotten my deals on them. Second off the hassle of what you have to go through to get the discount including not use it on certain nights or use it within a short time frame have made it much less appealing. I have enough stress in my life and I don’t need to complicate it with self imposed deadlines so I don’t miss out on a ‘deal’. And thirdly many of the items coming up lately don’t even seem to be much of a deal. They say 90% off the regular price but this ‘regular’ price is something ridiculous that no one in their right mind would pay. Also I’ve noticed that Groupon Goods (separate tab from their services) appear to be just a bunch of leftover junk and their so called bargain prices still appear to be top dollar.

I think the final straw to cure me was an email from Groupon to join some elite Groupon group that gets first dibs on new deals, can purchase some deals even after the deadline has been reached and a few other advantages that I’ve since forgotten. The cost was $30 per year. Granted this isn’t much but I joined Groupon to save money not to spend more!

The funniest thing in this new discount website phase is how dumb I think some business owners can be. There was a fitness dance class I liked. They charge $15 for one hour which I thought was a bit much so I asked the owner/instructor if she had any discounts. She said no since it was January and business was good due to people’s New Year’s resolutions. So I stopped going since I didn’t feel it was worth it even though I did enjoy the class. Fast forward two months and a fitness Groupon appears in my inbox. I am now getting 10 of these dance classes for 67 cents each and that money is split between Groupon, some third party fitness company and the dance studio! I would have gladly paid the dance studio $6-$8 per class and avoided the extra effort and the studio would have been making all the profit. I had a similar experience with a pole fitness studio and auto detailing service but I will spare you the details. Suffice to say that if a person wants to use your business but is asking for a discount it is probably better to give it to them directly than to have them get it through Groupon.

Best wishes to all getting their group on! But remember to see if it really is as good a deal as it sounds.

Cat “You Paid Too Much” Cathy

Where in the World is Catastrophe Cathy?

You may have noticed I haven’t been blogging as often these days. For a long time I was pretty consistent about my weekly blog. It was my way to get some entertainment type work as part of my life. A while back I decided what was most important to me and came up with health and fitness, friends, adventures, helping the environment and entertainment work.

The entertainment work was important to me since that seemed to be when I felt most alive and enjoyed work the most. Unfortunately my few soirees into the entertainment business only lasted a short time with things like roller derby skater, parade performer and podcaster. Finding entertainment work is not always easy so a simple blog was my way to keep the creative juices going and enjoy the high I get from entertaining while working on my writing skills.

This year I reviewed my priorities and decided entertainment work really isn’t as important as it once was. I guess I’ve finally outgrown my childhood dream of being a superstar. The practicality is that the entertainment business is difficult and most gigs don’t lead anywhere. I’ve lost count on the number of reality show applications I’ve done and all for naught. So I may still blog and do some stuff here and there but I’m no longer making it a priority.

Saving the environment has also dropped off my priority list. This doesn’t mean I’m dumping oil on the streets but I’m just not consciously devoting much time to it. I will still keep my reusable bags and other efforts to minimize my waste but no additional energy will be sent this way.

It’s good to reevaluate your goals and direction every now and then since life changes and priorities change. Adventure is still important to me as are friends and health. So I guess I will focus on these a bit more…for now at least.

Cat “Almost Famous” Cathy

Drugs are Bad Mkay

I hate modern medicine!!! It seems all they want to do is poke and prod and kill everything inside you. What ever happened to that whole “first do no harm” thing anyway? Actually, I Googled and it turns out it’s not in the Hippocratic Oath but something even better is: “I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure”. And yet we seem to just come up with more and more drugs to cure symptoms instead of ways to stay healthy in the first place.
My disappointment with modern medicine started at a tender young age. I remember a doctor visit in my mid teens for my acne. As a teenage girl this is a very difficult thing to have. But I was reasonable and trusted my elders (naïve I know) and would have appreciated a good doctor telling me how to eat better and wear some natural foundations. But instead I got my first (of many) antibiotic prescription. These pills did absolutely nothing to cure my acne and caused many other health scares and problems.

Then there was the time I went to a doctor for a really bad sore throat that just wouldn’t go away. I guess the fact that I had good medical insurance hurt me since I was giving radioactive barium to drink while my throat was x-rayed. Then another visit to a specialist was ‘arranged’ to shove a camera through my nose to look at my throat. After these two lovely experiences I was told it was probably just stress. I’m sure the time and money for doctor visits and inconvenience of having stuff shoved up my nose didn’t do much to help my delicate ‘stress’ condition.

Next up we have my thyroid medication. For some reason my T something blood work was off and I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. This seemed unusual since I wasn’t overweight and was pretty active and hyper at times. But I was told I would need to take this medication for the rest of my life with the dosage constantly increasing. I begrudgingly started the meds but this made no sense to me as an otherwise healthy 20-something. So I started researching and trying natural remedies. I started a healthier diet, supplements, acupuncture and reflexology and lo and behold I started to feel better and even a little too shaky at times! I asked if I could reduce my dose due to the shaking but I was told no. So I did it anyway and eventually stopped taking the medication all together. My blood work from then on has shown my thyroid level to be just fine. Hmmm I guess they don’t know it all after all.

Next up was an x-ray or MRI or something from a regular doctor that showed a potential kidney problem. OMG my kidneys are bad what does that mean? It means I had to wait six weeks to get an appointment with the specialist and worry that whole time just to be told what I had was common and not a problem. Really? Then why the F was I there in the first place?

Next up we have a ‘doctor’ I was required to see for annual check ups for my job since it was considered hazardous work. ‘Doctor’ is in quotes since I still can’t believe he really graduated from medical school. I dreaded this visit every year. One time he tried to draw blood and couldn’t (in my skinny arm with ample veins showing) so he was digging around with the needle. This caused a big bump on my arm and he just pushed it back down and told me to keep pressure there and left the room. No one has ever had trouble drawing my blood before or since. My coworker had a friend working there and was told he said my veins were too small. I surely hope this was just a rumor and not actually something he said but I wouldn’t put it past him. The best part was he noticed my sinus problem and said he had a side business that could help me. What doctor has a side business??? On a good note I showed my severely black and blue arm to my boss. Between my complaint and several others we finally got a new place for our annual checkups.

Then my personal favorite that ties it all together. I was getting very gassy and bloated and it was painful. Id’ had digestive problems for a long time but this was even worse so I went to a GI doctor. The doctor was rude and pompous. He practically yelled at me since I was hesitant to get a colonoscopy. He actually said I have to get over my prudishness. So it’s prudishness not to want a cable shoved up my butt especially without trying some normal stuff first? I’m just fine now and how is that you might ask. Well I did some research and added more fiber to my diet. And most importantly I added some probiotics to counteract all the antibiotics I’d been given in my life. Of course this doctor didn’t recommend that and neither did any of the ones who prescribed the antibiotics.

Let’s not forget my recent hip injury. After a regular doctor visit, x ray, MRI and orthopedic visit all of which cost over $1,000 I was left with very little explanation of what was wrong or what to do to help it. I was told to ice, stop aggressive sports and do some physical therapy. I was already doing all of this as common sense. I asked what I did and I never even got a real answer. I was told I did some damage to a tendon in my hip. I could have told them that after all I heard it pop! They didn’t seem able or willing to tell me which tendon, how much damage or anything else. My favorite part was the orthopedic told me to come back in a month. You charged my $300 and told me absolutely nothing, why on earth would I ever go back?

Finally, the MRI for my hip found out I have a tumor on an ovary. So now I’m supposed to follow up on that with more MRIs, blood work and doctor visits. For now I’m just fed up and have named him Timmy the Tumor. I’m sure he is just visiting and will go away on his own with less stress than if I actually worry about it.

These are just the tip of all my bad doctor iceberg experiences with many different doctors in many different towns. I lost count of the amount of blood work, doctor visits and prescriptions I’ve had and yet they never once did anything to help my illnesses. I’ve had only slightly better results for my injuries since I did manage to have surgery on my broken leg that appears to be doing well.

Sorry if I went into too much detail and shared too much. I don’t normally do that but it was necessary for this blog. I think it’s true that your body heals itself and you just need to provide it with the nutrition and rest it needs to heal. So now I do yoga, eat healthy, exercise, take natural supplements and ensure a good social life to keep myself healthy. I still occasionally have doctor visits but I’m very hesitant about it and with good reason. Best wishes to all trying to heal and live healthy lives.

Cat “Just Saying NO!” Cathy

I'll Never Grow Up!

Sometimes I wonder what young me would think of mature…well I’m not so mature so…older me. I never became the famous actress –stunt women- athlete- rock star I dreamed about as a kid. But let’s face it, that’s pretty unrealistic. And my real life accomplishments of licensed professional engineer, pro am Jet Ski racer, professional roller derby skater and balloon artist are quite impressive in their own way.

It’s funny how some of my big accomplishments were not even things I thought about when I was younger. I became a balloon artist since I was bored and looking for a new hobby. With my balloons I have been able to entertain people at parties for years now and have made some great Halloween costumes. This is not something I predicted as a kid but I am sure glad it happened.

Roller derby is another thing I never predicted. I knew nothing about this ‘sport’ when I overheard a coworker talking about her sister doing it for an up and coming TV show. I said it sounded like fun but I remember telling her ‘too bad I’m too small’. Well it turns out I wasn’t too small and I ended up quitting my first engineering job to pursue this fun career. It only lasted two years before the show was cancelled but I have no regrets for trying and the adventure and growth and lifelong friend I received from it.

Most importantly I still daydream, smile often, enjoy being silly and have a youthful attitude and energy much like my childhood. I’m good to my friends and always learning and growing as a person. Plus I drive a fast and fancy car. I’d have to think young me would be pretty happy with all of this. And if not than “piss off you young immature girl” since I like who I am just fine…just kidding there.

So I guess that it’s good to remember what you dreamed of in your youth but also to realize you never know what life will throw at you. Grab whatever opportunities you can and enjoy! Here’s hoping you are who you want to be or at least on your way there!

Cat “I’m a Big Kid Now” Cathy